End.

For god sake, i just wanna die. Desperately.




And last night i was so close to commit it. I was really close. Damn close.




Im having a mental breakdown. I cried heavily. Idk im just tired of this world. Im just tired with all the people around me. All the expectations. All the hatred. Everything.




I cried and cried, even after my migraine hd develop, i cant stop. It hurts so much. My chest hurts so much. My head hurts. I cried so hard.




Sampai satu masa, sambil sedu sedu tu, slowly aku bangun. Went to my table. Take a whole lot of my painkiller and i sat on my bed. I cried.



I had a handful of painkiller in my hand.




As my tears rolling down heavily,


Aku mintak ampun dekat ibu ayah. Aku mintak ampun sbb apa yang aku bakal buat. Aku mintak ampun sbb aku tak mampu nk ikut apa diorg nak. Aku mintak ampun sbb aku sayang diorg sangat sangat tp aku tak mampu. Aku dah tak larat.

 Aku mintak maaf dekat shepa. Bcs i once hurt her feeling and aku takut dia tak maafkan aku lagi.

Aku mintak maaf kat fir.

Aku mintak maaf kat semua.



Im about to put all the pills when suddenly aku teringat Allah.


I was so sad.


I was so heartbroken sampai aku mintak ampun jugak kat Allah supaya maafkan dosa besar yang aku bakal buat.




Then, I stopped. Idky i just stop.


The word 'dosa besar' really broke my heart even more.



'Aku tak nak masuk neraka'


That thought went into my mind. And then i cried.


I put all the pills back in the bottle. And i cried.



It hurts so damn much thinking that you want to end it but you just cant.






So aku mintak kat Allah. Aku mintak dia makbulkan permintaan aku yg satu ni. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Take me.



Im sick of laughing and put a happy face during the day, then go to bed crying. Im sick of pretending that everything's okay when its not. Im sick and tired trying my hardest to be happy.




Please.



Im already dead inside.