5th April 2018
We were on the phone today, me and Aliff. We talked about how our day today, tomorrow's plan, about how finally there's season 3 of tokyo ghoul coming out and pretty much about everything when suddenly (i dont remember what topic started it) we came across the suicide thing.
Then Aliff said, "You jangan buat cmtu tau.....nanti i sengsara"
Im like, did he know?
After a moment of silence, i just answered him with a simple okay.
Later that night, i cant sleep. I kept thinking about what he said. ‘....Nanti i sengsara...’ and suddenly my parents faces came to mind. Will they be in pain too if im gone? I asked myself that.
All this while, i kept thinking about myself. About all my pain. About how i want it all to end. About how people around me hurt me, didnt care a bit about me, didnt love me. About how alone I am in this journey to find the light at the end of my tunnel. Little did i know i hurt many hearts while i was hurting. Everyone around me, the one that cares, the one that loves me, I shut them all out. I even abandoned Allah when He's the one that always been there for me, listen to my cries every night and blessed me with more than i deserved.
And now He even blessed me with Aliff in my life. And through Aliff i learned something today. That even when my own heart is breaking, i should be nice to other people because there's no need to break their heart too. There's a lot of people that care for you in their own way. You just have to open your heart for them, accept them and be happy. Lastly, always always always be nice to everyone around you because you never know what they're going through. And oh! Remember to smile, always forgive, help a stranger in need and always thank Allah. Let's be better together okay? Bak kata Aliff, "slow slowww~~~" haha
To everyone that i hurt. Im really really sorry. Fasj, Najwa and everyone else, Im truly sorry.